POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DREAMS
Me, Myself and PTSD
As some people know I suffer with PTSD due to all the traumatic events I have been through in my life. Well I would just like to state that PTSD is one of my worst enemies to battle it truly breaks me down. Over the past week I have been suffering terrible flash back nightmares of when my ex used to beat me, my fiance told me that I was screaming, whimpering and scratching in my sleep. The first two times it happened this week I could not remember when I woke up what my dream was about but I felt angry and violated and knew I had some sort of traumatic dream. I vaguely remembered screaming but I didn’t know why until today when I suddenly awoke. This morning I was starting to get anxious I felt it in my sleep. I felt my heart racing, my body fidgeting around I was currently in a horrible dream of my ex standing above me beating me in a corner. It was horrible it was of a time that happened around three years ago. He had kicked off on me and was smashing my house up. I rang the police as he was on a restraining order and I was petrified of him but he convinced me to let him hide and he was sorry, so as I do I obeyed him and fell for his sweet evil lies.
He hid inside my bed as I have a storage underneath, police looked around moaned at me for wasting time and left, but they should of noticed something was up as I was giving off strong signals they haven’t looked everywhere. Once they had left he came straight out of hiding and switched like I had never seen before, screaming ”you phoned the police on me” I was crying saying ”you said it was ok and you would never hurt me again” he threw me up against the wall spitting in my face strangling me. This abuse went on for hours in to the early morning one point I tried to jump out of a window till he teared my dress and dragged me back in as I tried to get out and screamed for help. It got to around 8am and I had to ring an ambulance as I was having panic attacks and abdominal pain from where id been hit. He left the house when I rang for help and returned pretending to be a friend when they arrived. There was no escaping him he scared me so much. I never understood why he did what he did but for some stupid reason I loved him and always thought there was good in him. Our story is a bit like beauty and the beast but however now im out of it all i see is the BEAST.
After suddenly awaking I then realized all week my dreams where of different events I went through, I had just got these images out of my head whilst awake and now they are haunting me in my dreams. The 6 years of abuse I went through I will clearly never be able to forget as they were so traumatic to me, however I will try my hardest to not let these flashbacks affect my present any more. I figured I need to replace a negative with a positive as that is the best way I deal with negative thoughts. To get positive thoughts back in my mind I need to do something positive so I decided to finally start planning my wedding. Yes I am getting married! My fiance saved me from my dark days he truly is my prince charming and my hero, I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with the man who always cares for me always protects me and helps fight my battles. There is not a day that goes by where he dont treat my like his queen and make me smile. One day I will beat PTSD just like I will fight all my other illnesses.
If you think you may suffer with PTSD I would advise you get help from your GP.
PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events.
A person with PTSD often relives the traumatic event through flashbacks and nightmares, they may also experience feelings of isolation, irritability, anger and guilt. Some people who suffer with PTSD tend to have sleeping problems, such as insomnia, and find it difficult to concentrate. These symptoms are often severe enough to have a significant impact on a persons day-to-day life.
Events that can cause PTSD include:
- Prolonged sexual abuse, severe neglect or violence
- Witnessing deaths
- Sexual assault, personal assault
- Serious road accidents
- Being held hostage
- Terrorist attacks
- Natural disasters
PTSD can develop immediately after someone experiences a disturbing event or it can occur weeks, months or even years after. There are a few treatments available to help people with PTSD such as taking anti depressants and attending psychotherapy.
I myself am currently taking anti-depressants I have been on and off citalopram a very long time so far it hasn’t really helped me much. However I am yet to attend psychotherapy I have a meeting with a mental health team in February so I am hoping me talking about my issues and learning to understand and control them will help me with my depression and PTSD.